Fantastic News!

KANSAS CITY ROYALS DECLARED WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS

Kansas City, Missouri - In an unprecedented move, but one which a number of baseball purists have called “The right decision”, the Kansas City Royals were declared World Series Champions this morning following the San Francisco Giants’ team decision to forfeit their Championship “to the nicer team.”

“For well over a century, baseball has been about determination, grit, and the best team winning,” noted Giants manager Bruce Botchy, as clubhouse staff around him packed up the unopened champagne bottles following the Giant’s 3-2 defeat of the Royals in the World Series’ deciding Game 7. “What it really should be about is, who is the nicer team? Who represents America better? And that, without a doubt, is the Kansas City Royals,” Bochy declared. “To the nicer guys go the spoils. I congratulate them on winning the World Series.”

Giants fans were perplexed at this stunning turn of events, but eventually softened as a group and turned joyous to the notion that while they were no longer Champions, they finished second to the nicer team. 

“At first, I thought, what the f@%k is this b#llsh@t,’ said one Giants fan in the Kaufman Stadium parking lot who refused to be named. “But then I realized, hell, this is what America is all about….it’s like Affirmative Action for baseball. The Giants already have two World Series victories in the past 5 years. Why do they need another? Give it to Kansas City!” he explained, as he ran toward an adjacent farm, where it was later reported that he participated in the revered art of cow-tipping.

Arthur Block, Major League Baseball’s official statistician, noted that the final score of the game would be transposed to reflect that Kansas City scored 3 runs while the Giants scored 2. “This is not without precedent. The Black Sox fixed a game for money. We’re doing it for the good of the game. And the country. And the Kansas City Royals,” Block opined. He added, “Go Royals!”